▶ King Kevin Versus Queen Cersei
THE intense interest in the thrill-a-minute,through-the-looking-glass 2016 race, fueled byanger at maladjusted Washington and anxietyafter the Paris attacks, has spawned predictionsthat Thanksgiving political debates will be noisierand nastier than ever. Plenty of turkeys with a boneto pick and plenty of dressing down to go with thedressing. The Democratic National Committeeactually issued talking points for the “lively”conversations with Republican uncles, aunts andbrothers. Clearly, the people at the D.N.C. don’thave any Republican relatives. It’s never a parley. It’sa lecture. So I decided to let my Republican brotheroffer his red-state soliloquy now, hoping he’d let meeat my white meat in peace. He-e-e-ere’s Kevin:While liberals and the mainstream mediamay regard the myriad Republican presidentialcandidates as a “house of crazies,” I see anembarrassment of riches. It is the ultimate ironythat the Republican field blows the Democratsaway on one of their favorite topics — diversity.
Here’s how I see the Republican contest and theDemocratic coronation:Donald Trump: With all his bombast andincivility, Trump has joyfully debunked politicalcorrectness for the complete fraud that it is. Withhis talent for making debate ratings soar, he hasallowed all the other candidates to be seen and heardat celestial levels unreachable without him. He hastouched a nerve because people are fed up withliberal groups being offended at every slight, realor imagined. (I can assure you none of these peoplewere taught by Jesuits.) Three Ivy League schoolsare currently under siege, with students at Princetondemanding the removal of WoodrowWilson’snamefrom a building. Washington and Jefferson are upnext as former slave owners, leaving Al Sharptonas the default “father of our country.” We are tired ofapologies for America’s exceptionalism.
Ben Carson: Not since Eisenhower has acomplete novice politician been so legitimate acontender. Can he avoid the traps set for him bythe media? He presents intriguing possibilities aspart of the ticket, forcing African-Americans tochoose between him and the wife of the man ToniMorrison called our “first black president.”Marco Rubio: Young, whip smart and selfassured,he has an encyclopedic knowledge offoreign affairs and is a stunning contrast to HillaryClinton both in generation and vision. Wait untilhe starts delivering his speeches in Spanish.
Ted Cruz: The Hispanic heir apparent toBarry Goldwater had the best moment in thethird debate, calling out an obscure cable TV hostlooking for his 10 minutes of fame.
Jeb Bush: I like the Bushes, all of them.
Jeb would have been the perfect Republicancandidate from 1988 to 2000. In this age of instantgratification, his wonkish grasp of policy does notmove the needle. Too bad.
Chris Christie: Trump with better manners. Acertain pick for attorney general if this gig doesnot work out.
Contrast our informed candidates with theDemocraticlineupofQueenCersei, thesocialistDocBrown from “Back to the Future” and the lead singerof O’Malley’s March. I keep waiting for MartinO’Malley during debates to whip out his guitar for afew Irish songs. It would be more entertaining.
Clinton: She’s seeking the highest office inthe land even though 60 percent of the countrydoes not trust her and her emails are currentlyunder F.B.I. review for potential national securitybreaches.
Bernie Sanders: His proposals for free healthcare, free college and expanded Social Securityhave a price tag of $18 trillion with no way to payfor it. Not even a candidate for budget director.
O’Malley: Does anyone know his reason forrunning?The next president will have to deal with aseverely weakened hand, at home and abroad.
The bill for “leading from behind” has come due.
After the Radical Islam (dare I say thy name?)attack on France, the president who calledISIS “contained” was left to issue his familiardisclaimer that Islam is a religion of peace. Indealing with foes, Clinton, in a 2014 speech atGeorgetown University, called for “trying tounderstand, and insofar as is psychologicallypossible, empathize with their perspective.” Noteto Hillary: Any enemy with beheading as a menuitem does not deserve empathy.
A peeved President Obama lashed out atRepublicans for daring to pass a bill asking fora more robust screening process for the Syrianrefugees. His adviser, Ben Rhodes — the politicalhack behind the deceitful Benghazi talking points— assured us that our screening was airtight evenas 47 Democrats voted for the bill. The presidenthas been forced to face the inconvenient truththat others will lead the world in this battle whilehe continues his lonely quest against the world’s“greatest threat”: climate change.
Our enemies do not fear us, and authorityat home is being questioned by a disgracefulcampaign since Ferguson to undermine the police.
I am the son of a policeman, and a police officer iskilled in the line of duty every 60 hours. The thinblue line is the only thing that separates our societyfrom anarchy. There will be awful shootings bypolice officers like the one in Chicago, but these areexceptions. My dad told me that any job where youcan legally carry a gun will occasionally draw thewrong type of person. Police officers certainly donot deserve to see the media turning criminals intocelebrated victims. The next time you see a policeofficer, say thank you.
So, ask yourself three questions: Do you wanta president who refuses to name the enemy?Who do you want to appoint the next threeSupreme Court justices? And who will protect thehomeland and honor the Constitution? Then praythat you got it right.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Kevin
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